Amor Fati

Amor Fati: the love of one's fate. So easy to say, is that not so? At the same time though, I will say that we all, as beings, have an inevitable course in life that we do not choose to be born in. As we grow, time moves, we experience things such as childhood, adolescence, pre-adulthood (when we think we are adults, but are just of legal age to buy smokes). The more that time passes by, the more that we experience new things, different things. Sometimes we cannot afford our cost of living as much as we wish we could. We get dumped by our long term spouse, get fired, find out that a loved one has become critically ill, or has passed away. As much as we want to crawl into a corner for the rest of our lives and sulk over our problems, we must realize that time does not stop for us, but we must indeed try the hardest to do the opposite.

My little man, got diagnosed with cancer, twice, almost left us quite a few times, but he stayed. I would get so upset, angry, sad, frustrated, knowing that my son was suffering physically and emotionally. Someone then made the comment to me that "No matter what happens, it will be okay." I did not want to believe those words, I did not want to see my son go under any circumstance. Again and again, the doctors would put us in more and more of a scare of losing him, I was tired of always feeling emotionally drained, I never gave up in doing my best to keep his hopes up as much as I could though. Eventually, I came to the point that I did realize that no matter what happens, it will be okay. I started appreciating every second I had with him even more so than before. Like they say, hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. I stopped being selfish and trying to hold on to him without letting go. I started learning how to appreciate all things that happened around me, even people, family, friends. A big weight lifted off my chest, and my son also started doing so much better. Words couldn't even come close to explaining what life started meaning to me and how thankful I am. I cannot predict the future, but all I can think to say is that I do love all things around me, and I can accept and learn to love life regardless of what comes my way.